omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
