thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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