And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize