ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I want to fling myself into the sun
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
