Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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