Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
