so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
