so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
