I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
