I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
