All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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