I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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