i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
