you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
