the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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