sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
