My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
