I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
