Swine flu. Run for my life!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
