guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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