We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize