capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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