Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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