Do you still have your period?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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