Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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