he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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