you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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