When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
