I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
