Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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