She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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