meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
