Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Found the puke drawer
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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