It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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