On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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