This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
