He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
