if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize