i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
