shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
