From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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