Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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