Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
