Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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