So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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