I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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