We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
