I think i peed on brittanys purse
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
