apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
