Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
