if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Randomize
