It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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