i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
