I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
