Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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