Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
