Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
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