if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
