kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
