the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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