so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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