i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
