he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
