i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
