Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize