I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
