I puked a lego.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
