can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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