today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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