now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
