my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
