ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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