Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
