i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
