I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
