But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize