kristin has been a bad kristin
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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