another moral hangover. fuck.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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