The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
