So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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